mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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