Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
