is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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