Whod you bang
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
