I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
