let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
