Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
apparently the secret to your success is patron
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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