I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
