Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
