You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
its not stalking. its research.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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