Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
