I will die if light touches me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
