Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
operation harelip BJ is a go
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
