When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
