We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
