Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
