I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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