the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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