You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
