I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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