I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
