I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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