I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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