I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
