holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
