just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
