You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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