You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I have fence marks all over my body
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
