oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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