whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
