kristin has been a bad kristin
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
