Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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