Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
