Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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