I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Randomize
