So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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