he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
