i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
