you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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