New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
