I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
there was a trapeze. enough said
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
