I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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