Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
