Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
