Having a random hookup so left but love u
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
