its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm like, not good at living.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
