Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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