I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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