the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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