He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
