Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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