I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
