my text book just quoted the cookie monster
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
